


So hold on tight and don't look back

by Hopeful_Foolx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Fix It, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I fixed Molly, I mean, It's me writing it, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Molly needs a hug, Mollymauk Tealeaf Lives, Resurrection, Whump, all the hugs, i guess, look - Freeform, spoilers for episode 26
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: “He’s breathing, everyone, he’s breathing!” It seemed completely unnecessary to point that out, when he was clearly breathing or, as he’d rather call it, suffocating on dirt he didn’t remember swallowing. But the hands holding his shoulder were warm, and warmth was good, and he was not alone, if he was dying right now, choking to death, he wasn’t alone, and he was thankful for it. As he was for the darkness that wrapped him in her warm blanket a moment later.--Another Mollymauk Fix-It
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Mollymauk Tealeaf
Comments: 3
Kudos: 212
Collections: WidoMauk Fics





	So hold on tight and don't look back

**Author's Note:**

> I just really loved Molly and I really wanted to know more about his backstory. Since I have exams coming up and so much to do, inspiration hit me like "Hey, why don't procrastinate" and now... I'm ten years late to the party but hey, I still arrived. Enjoy?  
> As usual, all faults are mine because of the usual reasons. Have fun!

His skin was itching. Itching deep into his flesh, every single layer of skin frozen and numb, only the itch still remaining. It was the first sensation that came to him. He was cold. Too cold or too weak to move, too cold to even think about anything else than how cold and itchy he was. A distant memory told him that he was not supposed to be cold, that he, in fact, not has been this cold all his life and warmth existed, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything else than feeling cold. But his concentration was drawn away not by himself, but by a different feeling,something even more unpleasant, and suddenly, he remembered that feeling cold also meant that he most likely had a body - a body he was in, that felt cold, and, most importantly, had more parts than just his cold cold cold skin. Unfortunately, he realized that by feeling the desperate need to breathe, to suck in air, as he was turned to his side.

“He’s breathing, everyone, he’s breathing!” It seemed completely unnecessary to point that out, when he was clearly breathing or, as he’d rather call it, suffocating on dirt he didn’t remember swallowing. But the hands holding his shoulder were warm, and warmth was good, and he was not alone, if he was dying right now, choking to death, he wasn’t alone, and he was thankful for it. As he was for the darkness that wrapped him in her warm blanket a moment later. 

* * *

He came to to the rustling of paper and quiet humming, the sound of fire crackling and the feeling of softness under his fingers. He was warmer, soft and warm, and inside. 

“I just want, you know, tell him what he missed!” The voice was right next to him, but Jester talked hushed. Jester. He was glad she was here, and he memory of why he was so glad she was here was there, but he was way too tired to reach for it now.

“He hasn’t been-  _ gone  _ for that long, Jester. And he needs to rest, you’re only going to wake him up.” Caleb. Caleb was here. Of course he was. 

“It’s too quiet in here, he doesn’t like that. And I thought we want him to wake up. I’m just going to give him a summary. And also, we are already talking and I was talking to Beau the whole time last night and he didn’t wake up. And I think it would be so much nicer to have him wake up to someone talking to him, you know, like to silence. He had enough of that, I think.” 

There was a slight huff and more paper, but Caleb didn’t answer. It took only a moment for Jester to interpret this as a go as it seemed, and he felt the soft something he lay on shift, and a warm (blessedly warm, warm and alive and warm, he wanted to cry but even the idea of moving hurt and he stayed still and enjoyed the care he seemingly was put under) hand took his. Her thumb was stroking his wrist, and made him relax even more. Touch. Warmth. He was not alone and he was definetly not dead, even though he wasn’t sure what that meant. Right now, he was too tired to think.

“Sooooo… We found someone, his name is Caduceus, and he’s a firbolg. He’s really cool and he helped the others defeat the iron shepherds, you know, the people who kidnapped Fjord and Yasha and me and hurt you. He makes tea from dead people, you know.”   
  
“Jester, perhaps you should leave this part out. He brought Molly back, and you don’t want him to think he was brought back as a plant. Or as tea.” This just sounded ridiculous and if he were awake or at least, more awake, he would burst out into laughter. But right this moment it only made his heart flutter and himself more comfortable, even when he didn’t think he could be.

Her voice was very close to his ear this time. 

“Don’t worry, Molly, you’re not tea. You’re still you.” A moment of silence followed after that comforting statement, and her voice was further away now, though her hand remained, firmly closed around his. 

“We still don’t know about his memories. If he even remembers us, right?” 

“I presume we have to wait.” Memories. His own memories. What were his memories? Was there something special to remember? He had a body, he knew who was talking. Was there more? And who?    
  
“What about him and you and-” Oh? Caleb and… Caleb and… him? 

“Not now, Jester.” He heard Calebs voice break after the first two words and the quiet “please” afterwards broke something else. In him? What did it break? What was it? What was he thinking, now, thinking about memories he couldn’t grasp, he couldn’t get a hold on? He was missing something, he was missing something important and it was just at his fingertips, too close not not see and too far to see clearly.

Jester said something else, and Caleb answered something to that, and Jester answered back, and while thinking, the voices lulled him back to sleep. 

* * *

The next time he awoke, he awoke enough that his reflexes kicked in and he blinked into a dimly lit room before thinking about it. He felt cold again. Not violently so, not as bad as before, but still cold. He felt the air on his skin, cloth of an unfamiliar shirt on his arms. He felt. It was good to feel.

“I had a feeling you were waking up.” a deep voice sounded from beside him, and he realized that he was not only in a dimly lit room, he was also not alone in said dimly lit room. Though he recognized the voice, he turned his head to look at Fjord, before he trusted his own senses again. 

“So, Jester pointed out that we don’t know how much you remember yet, but even if you don’t know anything, know this: we are your friends. In any case, you’ll have a lot of questions, but I am not the best one to answer them. But I told Nott you were waking up and she’s getting Caleb.” He wanted to tell Fjord that he remembered, knew most of what happened, knew who they were, but he was already moving, too fast for him to catch up yet, that he flinched when he appeared next to him with a cup in his hand.

“You don’t know Caduceus yet, but he said you were to drink that when you wake up.”

It turned out to be water and honey, with a faint, lingering warmth in the back of his throat, soothing and energizing. The sweetness bought back enough strength for him to lift a hand and put it atop Fjords and the cup. He was surprised at how bad his voice sounded, but rasped out the words anyway.

“I… know who you are. All of you.” His statement was awarded with a nod and a smile one could have missed. But Molly never missed a smile. 

“I am really glad. Not only for me, but I think it would’ve broken more than one heart if you didn’t.” He said that with such a stern expression that it confused Molly for a moment. Hearts? Multiple… hearts. Plural. He remembered Jester being here, and Caleb, and Fjord mentioned Nott, and he knew Beau had been there too. He didn’t know how much time had passed since waking up first, but the memories dropped back into his mind like lazy drops of water. Some of it seemed like a dream. Some of it just didn’t add up. Fjord, Yasha and Jester kidnapped. A fight in the woods. And nothingness. So much nothingness.

“I had the... strangest dream…” me murmured and looked back up to Fjord who was looking at his hands with great interest. “And I am so confused right now.” The door clicked and he turned to the side even when the movement made his head spin, as he saw the familiar tattered brown coat that belonged to Caleb, and that was in his view before he could see his face. 

“Ja, I can… imagine that. You had a journey not many come back from, and I expect you to have a lot of questions.” It was a nice way to put what he wasn’t even sure happened. 

“I’ll leave him in your care then, Caleb.”    
Fjord held him back and whispered something what Caleb just acknowledged with a nod, while Molly himself tried to get on his elbows and succeeded, at least to some degree, before his arms told him he was clearly not up to moving too much. Still, while he wasn’t really upright, he was also not flat on his back anymore, and every position was better than that. The muscles in his back and arms protested and his head spun again, but he was able to look at Caleb more clearly now. He still felt weak to the point of falling asleep again, but now he was able to pull up the blankets and at least do something against the cold. 

Caleb remained silent, and Molly knew why, it came back like the names did. Caleb wasn’t good with people. Then why was he here? Why had Fjord said that it was him who should explain? He was looking at his hands, his fingers.

“The others are… sleeping. It’s nearly three in the morning. You have been sleeping for a little over a day, after Caduceus brought you back. He is… He helped us defeat the Iron Shepheards, Caduceus, and he is… very good with... “ He still looked down onto his own hands.

And now, because it had been on the tip of his tongue the whole time and he felt it rather than knew it, he nodded. Because he knew what happened. From how Jester talked and how Fjord didn’t meet his eye and how Caleb looked down onto his hands the way he did after a particular damaging fire spell. 

“...things?” Molly proposed. “That involve… dying?” 

“You can say so. He lived at a graveyard before his… his mission sent him with us. We had some more help defeating Lorenzo.” Lorenzo. He remembered him, he remembered their ambush and he knew they had failed. He remembered the pain in his chest and his hand came up to it to feel the area, touch his skin. 

He touched cloth, first, before a warm and shaking hand caught his.

“You… You have a new scar. Don’t touch it yet, it’s all… It’s all freshly healed. It looked… It wasn’t pretty.” He still looked downwards, not on his hands as one was now clutching Mollys, but on the mattress. Molly tried to look him in the eye and see him better, see his face, but his hair was in the way. The room grew silent again, and Molly could hear the intake of breath when Caleb wanted to say something and then didn’t. But he himself could only stand the silence for so long, before he broke it.

“He killed me. He killed me, and you brought me back. The group. You brought me back, and here I am… Alive. Just… Caleb.” He took a deep breath and felt the way his chest expanded with it, as the healing skin stretched. It wasn’t really a pain, but since Caleb grasped his hand and Molly couldn’t move his arm very much, their interwined hands were resting on his chest now. It was so familiar. Their hands like this, wrapped around each other, more than just their hands. He ran warm and Caleb dreamt of fire and woke up shivering and screaming. Molly dreamed of darkness and Caleb gave him a light. So many nights spent like this, so many nights pressed together closely with not so much as an inch between them, both of them to thankful for having someone here to part. Both of them to scared to lose one another to loosen their hold. And still, Molly had always been prepared for Caleb to get hurt. He stayed close for that reason. And in a grotesque way he remembered being glad that it was him Lorenzo killed and not Caleb, not his Caleb. Because Molly, before he had been Molly, had died before and Caleb had too many plans, still too much to do. He was searching and learning and Molly? He was fixed. He made people smile, he made Caleb smile, and that was enough for him. And now, Caleb wasn’t looking at him. He wasn’t looking up, the only sign he was still in there was his hand, clutching Mollys, and Molly, with a weaker grip, clutching back.

“My dear, look at me. Please?” And now, finally, Caleb’s head snapped up. There was a look of sadness on his face, anxiety and then, suddenly, he snatched his hand away.

“You… You were  _ gone  _ for… for over a week, and we buried you, after Lorenzo, after what happened with the Iron Shepeards. We didn’t know what to do. We buried you and…” His frantic fumbling fingers flinched to his pocket and back to his knees, and back to the mattress, inches from Mollys right hand. “We left you a note so in case you… you woke up, you knew where to go and how to get back to us. And we returned, with Caduceus, and he was able to bring you back. After we got Jester and Fjord and Yasha, we brought you back.” He swallowed again, after talking too fast, not taking a breath in between. 

“And… I…” He shook his head and his hands twitched without touching. 

“I… I… I left you there. I left you there, we buried you, I thought… I knew I lost you too, because of course I would. I’m so sorry, And of course I left you, and-”

Molly wished he could move more than just effortly turning to lay on his side, to face Caleb, and catching his hand. He wanted to sit up and embrace him, hug him to make him feel how alive he was. But even rolling over was enough that he had to close his eyes for a moment and struggeled to open them. Still, Calebs hand was in his and was it out of reflex or any other reason, he gripped back again. And Molly could finally take a good look to his face. He wasn’t surprised by how pale he looked, or the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t surprised by the lips that were pressed together so tight it made his mouth appear only as a thin, pale line. And he wasn’t surprised that his eyes darted from Molly to the mattress and back again. 

“And traveling around with a corpse would have been so much better?” He asked, in the softest voice possible, not easy, when his voice was still rough, either from disuse, dirt, or because he died in between.

“You did not leave me. You and the others did not leave me. You did the only thing you could do. I was…” He couldn’t say it to Calebs face. “I was  _ gone _ and the others were not. You had to find them. You had to get them. We knew that time was essential from the beginning. Please, Caleb.” He heard a hitch in his breathing, and saw how Caleb looked away completely for a moment. He knew he was holding back tears. And he knew he wasn’t winning this fight.

“I didn’t… I thought you were dead. I’m a wizard and I don’t even have anything, I couldn’t even do anything to- I’m sorry, Molly, I’m just so sorry that-”

“You can be sorry if someone is mad at you. The others are not, I know they can’t be. And me? I am not mad at you. You did nothing wrong. The only reason to apologize to me would be if I was angry, and I am not. I am not angry, or disappointed, I am not …” He took a breath as he felt something warm drip onto his hand. And then again. And again. 

“I love you, Caleb. And even if I was mad at you, which I not am, I would still love you. I am glad you’re here. I am glad you helped to get the others back. They needed you. And when I was gone, there was nothing you could have done, except for finding someone who could. It’s not your job to keep me alive, or to practice this kind of magic. You have your magic. And you weird and crazy people found someone who could bring me back - with memories and all parts.” He looked at their hands and squinted down his body.

“Well, I suppose so. Hopefully with all parts.” 

A wet chuckle was the answer to that. Molly never missed a laugh, even the tiny ones, the tiny smiles from Caleb. He always caught them. And even now, silently crying, he heard it.

“With… I was more occupied with the fact that you were breathing, actually.” With the sleeve of his free hand he went over his face to dry it off.

“Oh dear, I taught you better than that, do you need a tis-” His comment was interrupted by his own, jaw-cracking yawn. Oh well. He had not really intended to stay awake. But he should have known Caleb was still Caleb - after all, he knew him. He loved him. He should have expected his reaction, and he would have, if he wasn’t so tired from being resurrected. Which still was a thought he had to grow warm with. 

“I think you need to sleep. It’s the middle of the night, and we can talk tomorrow.” Caleb didn’t let go of his hand as he stood up and pulled the blankets up some more, and Molly let himself fall back onto his back to look at him again. 

“Do you need something else?” Molly raised his eyebrow over closed eyes, and a tiny smirk appeared on his face.

“I’m still cold.” He recieved a deep sigh as answer, and a snap of fingers as Frumpkin appeared on the bed, before his hand was gently put on the cat. 

“I just need to… get off these boots.” Boots and coat. Caleb hadn’t slept when Fjord told Nott to wake him, and while that didn’t surprise him, it still sent a dart of pain through his heart. THe way Caleb had looked, he hadn’t been sleeping for more than from pure exhaustion in the last week or longer. With heavy fingers and closed eyes, Molly gently did his best to pet Frumpkin, before the mattress next to him dipped a bit and he felt the familiar feeling of a body next to his. And while Caleb wasn’t at a higher body temperature than him, he was breathing person, someone alive. He was warmth in a different way, and in that moment, it was all that he needed. The familiar feeling of a bandaged hand on his forehead, fingers in his hair, just at the point where his horns and skull met. 

“Schlaf gut.” 

“Yes dear, whatever you just said.” 

He heard Caleb chuckle again, even if it was just a breath into his hair. After all, Molly never missed a smile.

* * *

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3  
> I just... couldn't resist it. Origiginally, this work belonged to my whumptober (which I still intend to finish, before next year, btw) but then I was too impatient to wait and upload everything with the right days. So I post it now.  
> Also, the title is from a MCR song, the kids from yesterday. I couldn't help myself and also, it's late.


End file.
